Endings have never been my forte. I can describe with great acuity what happens somatically when my body gets even a sniff of someone departing. My heart thumps and races, my shoulders tighten, my body heats up and I feel off kilter. I know I am ungrounded. Curiosity about this impact sparked a deep dive into endings – saying goodbye to a dear friend, the conclusion of a session with a client, someone moving away, the ending of an engagement with a client. What happens? For me? For them?
The metaphor which has repeatedly presented itself during this exploration is that of a literal door closing. Is it left ajar, naturally clicks into place, or slammed shut? And it’s not just the door closing, I believe endings have phases: anticipation (with or without avoidance), approaching the (metaphorical) door, standing in the doorway (really feeling how it feels to be there), and the door closing behind us. In my experience, being present and intentional about each phase really serves us, (however challenging) and of course it’s how to navigate them well that has fuelled my research.
All of which brings me to my second book How the Door Closes – Skilful Endings in Coaching and Therapy. I have the first paperback version in my hands now and once the final final amendments and corrections have been made, it will be off to the printers. After so long being incubated and nurtured and finessed, it’s all at once satisfying and daunting, affirming and joyful. I’d hoped to offer you a link here to download a sample or even buy it, but I’m not quite ready yet – check the Book page for updates.
In essence, How the Door Closes explores the complexity of bringing professional relationships to a close. I examine endings through the lens of Dr Richard Strozzi-Heckler’s Rhythm of Energy, Dr Eugene Gendlin’s Focusing, ethical frameworks, and practitioners’ lived experience. I offer ways to contract at the outset with the end in mind, to remain conscious of concluding throughout the work, and to complete at the right time and in the right way for each unique client engagement.
As we leave summer behind and step fully into fall prior to the close of the year, it’s an ideal transitional time to pause and consider the endings that have gone well in life, the ones avoided, and perhaps especially those that haven’t happened yet and need to happen (soon). My steer would be this: be clear and intentional, make a plan, and ideally co-create with whomever is involved unless it’s the kind of relationship that just needs to be done for the sake of your wellbeing.
[My private practice is usually full and you’re welcome to reach out to see if that’s changed]