I rejoiced reading this article from The Conversation called From ‘French leave’ to ‘Irish goodbyes’: why you may be right to exit a party without saying goodbye.
I resonate strongly with the desire to slip away at the end of an overpowering social evening, avoiding the endless rounds of goodbye and lets-get-together-soon and other platitudes. It seems I’m not alone given the number of phrases across cultures all describing a similar construct.
My sensitive self enjoys deep conversation in one-to-one scenarios and can bristle at the inane chit-chat at some gatherings. They just don’t feed my soul. Perhaps your experience is less about craving depth and more about feeling over-stimulated by too many people, or you’re simply tired from a demanding week at work, or feeling fed up with having to perform and play nice amidst emotionally loaded situations. Maybe like me you don’t drink alcohol and simply don’t enjoy events suffused with mega-alcohol consumption.
Whatever creates that sense of discomfort and fosters a desire to depart, there is growing awareness that the silent exit can be a very healthy choice. It doesn’t serve you to stay late out of some sense of duty or social etiquette or pressure to perform then be wrung out the next day. If you’re someone prone to anxiety in social situations, or naturally compare yourself to others (and undoubtedly come up short), or worry about rejection, or find it hard to navigate social norms (especially in deafening environments), then there’s something deeply empowering about making a deliberate decision to tend to your body’s wisdom and depart in service of your wellbeing.
In fact, “There’s a growing idea that being choosy about your social life isn’t antisocial – some psychologists call it “selective sociality” (that’s a link to the full article entitled enticingly: “Avoid and Rule: Selective Sociality Scale for Understanding Introverted Personality in a Digitally Socialized World.”) I admit it’s taken years to get to the point of declining social invitations with ease, the type that I can foresee are going to be depleting. Which probably deserves its own post next month, all about how to decline with grace…food for thought.
[My private practice is usually full and you’re welcome to reach out to see if that’s changed]